(Read: Ephesians 5:22-33)
The first time I heard that I will be taking in-charge to
give the very first exhortation for our newly organized group for married
couples, we later called it Blessed Melbourne Couple; I feel so excited about
it. However, I didn't know where to start and what message is the most
appropriate that everyone will get motivated and receive the impression that
God's message is quite interesting to study, to learn and to explore. As we say
that first impression lasts.
Our group was initially called Young Couples, although
not everyone are young then (laughing). Well, we all claim to be young at that
ages and still young at heart as we confess. Anyways, we believe in the power
of confession. Only 2 days later, we changed it to be known as Melbourne Young
Couple and the next day finalized it to be called Blessed Melbourne Couple.
This is to make it more pleasing for every couple, either young or young at
heart couple, whom we want to invite to join our fellowship. And that's how it
was started.
Since the group is meant to be a fellowship of a family
couples, husbands and wives in particular, I try to search which part of the
bible could lead us to the values of a couple in the family households. What
Christ's instruction to the very union of husband and wife from the start of
their marriage till the end of their journey. Then I found it in the letter of
Apostle Paul in the book of Ephesians 5:22-33.
Paul actually write this exhortation to give a
correlation of Christ's love to the church with husband's love to his wife. As
all of us, indeed, was borne, grew, and lived in a family nucleus before we
explore the world around us; the parent's character will influence the journey
that a family will take. The ups and downs in the roads they travel will either
destroy a family or build a stronger union among them.
In a family, husband is correlated with Christ and wife
is correlated with the Church. Church indeed includes the wife and her offspring, however, Paul wants to generalize the rest of the family members to
be the Church members as wife. Maybe Paul's intention was not all couples have
their children in their whole married life and so wife as the lone member of a
family, has to submit to her husband in general. Ephesians 5:22 says "Wife
submit to your husband as to the Lord." This is the beginning of married
life. At the moment a woman accepted the love offered by a man with blessings
of the authority, they will become husband and wife.
God's intention of submission is not for master and slave
relationship, which is mostly perceived by some women's advocate. This is a submission driven by love and
respect to the authority of the husband as the appointed head of the family, as
Christ is the head of the church. Ephesians 5:23 "because the husband is the
head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church - he himself being
the savior of the body." Christ's redemption of all humanity paid Him a
price and that did not exclude His Life. He even offered His precious blood to
wash our sins and if we have accepted His invitation to be our Lord and Savior,
we are therefore has been redeemed.
In the same way, man who is trying to win the heart of
his woman, he has to pay the price. He needs to compete to every important
aspects of a woman's life to bring her in front of God's feet to become a
blessed couple and before to start to build a family. Her parents, family,
career, authority, other man surrounding her, etc; are only few things a man
must overcome in the beginning. If a man wins, he redeems her wife. Therefore wives'
submission is not simply out of compulsion, rather acceptance to the redemption
that husbands did prior to her acceptance of man's love.
Submission of wife to her husband is for everything. Not
only some part of her life, rather all of her life. That is why redemption of
Christ to the church offered His whole Life. Ephesians 5:24 "But as the church
submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything." Not just her heart, her mind, or her soul; but her whole
being including her life which is the total submission to him. To be consulted
in all decisions, to get present help in every obstacles, to be accepted of
your past experiences --- to have faith, to hope, and to be loved. To be
totally dependent to him as church is totally dependent to Christ. God wants us
to experience to be cared by His Son, to be guided by Him, and to be empowered
by His Spirit. Resting in the husband's arm of security because of total
surrender lifts up wives' insecurities in life and feel the protection that God
has given you. Security on your husband's love gives you courage and strength
to face every challenge of life.
In response to wife's submissions, husbands are
instructed to love their wives. It is a careful reminder, though. Husbands were
given authority over their wives not to treat with abusive power, rather with
tender loving care. It must be out of love. Indeed, as Ephesians 5:25 said
"Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself for her," Paul is advising us to imitate the love Jesus has for
his church. That definition of love was explained well in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
and it says, "Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does
not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is
not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices
in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Love never ends." Love is the very reason why Jesus permitted himself to be crucified, the greatest love He can offer for His church
and that includes His life. He overcomes death at the moment He resurrected as
a sign of redemption of humankind that whoever believe in Him will not perish
but have eternal life (John 3:16).
Husbands must do the same way, they should exercise the
same attitude of love that Jesus set as an example for us. Be patient as you
live together despite of your differences. Be kind to your spouse in all your
actions, manners, and emotions. Do not be envious of whatever your wife has or
the other that your wife does not have rather rejoice together in contentment,
counting every blessings you both shared. Conflicts are unavoidable, but don't
act out of anger. Remember that you are dealing with your wife and you must
deliver an argument that will not trigger hatred or execute any violence. You
must have self-control and self-discipline, as you show your selfless love to
her. Be just if she made a mistake, as you are capable of doing the same
mistake. Rebuking your wife should be done privately and in loving way. To be
glad in her accomplishment, learn to appreciate even the smallest things that
she does for you. She needs appreciation and that accounts for love. There are
many lists, indeed, it bears, believes, hopes and endures everything. Love
never ends. Therefore, we must exercise our love not in specific situation or
only when we feel to show it. Love is endless and must be a part of manhood.
Love your wife in all aspects of your life --- in your emotions, in your mind,
in your soul, and in your spirit.
Husbands, to love your wife is not for you to get its
benefit, rather it is for your wife. As Ephesians 5:26-27 continues "to
sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so
that he may present the church to himself as glorious - not having a stain or
wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless." Wives must be
presented without any stain but Holy before God. That is the very reason Jesus
died for us, to wash away our sin if we believe and accept Jesus as our savior
and lord over our lives. Your wife made a covenant with you through marriage as
she believes in your love offered to her and accepted it wholeheartedly.
Therefore, it is not just your job to keep her holy. It your responsibility,
husbands are accountable for their wives. Therefore you should start your
devotions so you can share your devotions with your wife. You should start
praying so you can share in prayer with your wife. You should be leading a holy
life so you can share a holy living with your wife. You have to bring your own
church, your wife and your whole family, to the feet of Jesus, blameless and
holy. You are their leader, as Jesus appointed you like how God assigned Jesus.
Because your wife is, indeed, your own body. Ephesians
5:28-29 "In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own
body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the
church." A famous song the greatest love of all lyrics says "...
learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all." Your wife is a
part of you. The way you treat her is the same way you treat yourself, husband.
Because both of you, husband and wife, are now one body. No man wants to hurt
his own body, do they? Therefore, treat your wives on how you want to treat
your self. That is the open mystery of husband and wife relationship. The
wife's dream of a perfect husband is achieved on how husband treat them like
themselves.
